My Girl Friend

Wait a second. You didn't seriously think you would find a picture of "my girl friend" here, did you? This was probably the first link you clicked on wasn't it!?!

In all truth, I don't have a girl friend (and even if I did, she would not be on this page). "What, no girl friend?" you ask.

No, you see, when I was young I made a commitment to "Courtship". Sound old fashioned? I think it's totally the way to go! (Please note: a lot of people mean a lot of different things with the word "courtship", so please read below what I believe it to mean.)

The older I get, the more thankful I am that I made that decision about 10 years ago.

What in the world is courtship? Courtship has six things in mind....

1. Timing. If I'm not ready for marriage, then I'm not going to start getting emotionally entangled with a young woman. There will be a right time, but until then there's lots of other stuff I need to focus on and enjoy.

2. Love. Most people date because it's fun and there's a longing inside that they are trying to fill. That is not love at all! Love is not about getting - It's about giving! It's about sacrificing for someone else. Dating has a focus of enjoyment and desire, not doing what is best for the other person or ESPECIALLY for your future mate! In fact, in that regard, dating is really a "practice for divorce". Dating is good until "things don't work out" or "you don't love him/her anymore". Then it's a breakup to find happiness again.

3. Faith. Yep, faith. In committing myself to courtship, I am trusting God to bring "the one" across my path in His time and way. I don't have to worry about missing it. He'll make it clear. I don't have to run around trying to find her, because if I just do what God has given me to do right now, He will bring her to me. It's totally freeing and awesome!

4. Damage. It's hard to deny the fact that dating has destructive consequences. We get used to seeing them and just think it's part of the game, but it doesn't have to be!

There is damage in many ways...

-Emotionally hurt in breakups

-Wasted time, money and energy

-Hindered friendships due to distraction, awkwardness,

jealousy, bitterness toward an "ex" or their friends,

-Tremendous physical temptation to sexual sin and

unbelievable unforseen damage from that!

-Wasted teen years - much potential and power lost.

-Damage to married life due to "baggage" or wrong mindset

-Loss of freedom to interact with entire group without being

consumed with thoughts of "Is he/she flirting with me?"

-Need I go on?........

5. Potential. There is incredible unrealized potential in a life that is free from these things and dedicated to living these unique years for a bigger purpose! All the ones that I know that have committed to this, have a tremendous impact with their lives, and they are the most awesome friends I know. They're not distracted and consumed by the opposite sex, but instead focused on things of much greater importance now - things that may be impossible later in life.

6. Freedom. There is a true freedom that comes from this mindset - A freedom to enjoy the friendship of all, without whispers, raised eyebrows, rumors or jealousy. The other young people I know that have made this commitment are the friends everyone wants to be around. I don't want to go do things with someone who is a flirt. I'd so much rather hang out with friends that were not focused on that and just able to have fun as a group.

I have not committed to courtship because a relationship with a young lady is a bad thing. The opposite is true! I have committed to this because that relationship is such an incredibly GOOD thing, created by God, that I want to protect and preserve.

The one biggest reason I personally have for making this commitment is....

I have a desire above all else for my life to be used of God in the most powerful way that it can be during this time. A dedication to the things that are important and the freedom from things that hinder or distract are the KEY to this. I don't want to be average.

So, until God brings her across my path and the time is right, you'll find me delighting in the Lord and quite content for His time and way.

luke

More Information about what Courtship involves

I have said a lot about what Courtship is not, but what is it?

It is waiting for... 1. God's one in 2. God's time and

3. God's way

1. God's one - The truth is - besides salvation - your choice of your life partner is probably the biggest decision of your life! However, it's not something to worry about because God will lead you to the perfect most wonderful one for you, if you listen and let Him. However, if it is not God's time yet, then it is not God's one yet. God's one will be...

- A Christian - If you are a Christian, that should be a standard that should be non-negotiable. Marriage is a

bond and fellowship for life and without God it can be

more miserable than you might imagine.

- Approved by parents - One of the major ways

He leads us is through Authorities that He has place over

us. If God is able to bring the right one, He is also able to

confirm it through your parents. If their thoughts are

otherwise, you can know that it is either not God's one or

not God's time. This takes faith. But He will give you His

best and you will avoid much pain and hardship, that He is protecting you from.

2. God's time - This means that it is not time to start developing a romantic relationship until I am ready....

- Emotionally - Mature, not flirty, secure

- Financially - Especially for the guy to have basic skills

for earning a living and in good financial standing

- Spiritually - This will affect your relationship the most -

both of your walk with God. There is a deeper level of

intimacy than can otherwise be experienced.

- Time of life - Done with most education (at least

Highschool!) and ready for married life and

responsibilities.

3. God's way - After determining that marriage is God's will for you, that this is His time for it, and knowing His leading through His Word and parents direction, it is time for the next step.

As we said, one of the major ways He leads us is through Authorities that He has place over us.

So for guys, courtship involves getting the counsel and approval of your parents as well as the girls parents, BEFORE pursuing a romantic relationship with the young lady. This will be something the girl will love and respect you for and it will be a blessing on the marriage throughout your lifetime. If the young lady's parents approve of the beginning of a relationship with the intention of marriage, then the young man can start to try to win her heart. The girl has veto power obviously.

For girls, this means referring an interested young man to talk to your father first. This will make him love you more, because what he can get easily, he will not cherish as much. This will also protect you because it will let the young man know that he is accountable and responsible for how he treats you. You will be very precious to him.

This must seem off the wall. My friends who are living this way are impacting the world, instead of being caught up in boy-girl stuff constantly. I just want to make the most these powerful single years and have God's greatest blessing for the future one he has for me.

luke